As you know I was having some trouble with my feeling lately, fuck emotions! Ya, mungkin lebay but really i really had a bad time since three months ago. Gue sangat beruntung karena punya sahabat baik yang menampar gue dengan perspektif orang ketiga. Sebenernya kalau dipikir semua hal yang terjadi itu ya it just happens inside of your mind. It doesn’t matter that much for other people. Makanya ada yang bilang kalo lagi patah hati all you need is comfort food and girlfriends, that’s true.
So brief story about what happened, just so you know. I had one thing that i really want and i had been preparing for it for god knows how long and as you know i didn’t pass the test. It’s not like SBMPTN shit or any PTN related like how dedek dedek worried much about. Ini lebih kaya kerjaan stuff and real life shit that will matter for the rest of my life, oke ini lebay banget. Tl;Dr i feel devastated more than i have ever been. I even consult psychologist for this and she said “kamu nggak pernah gagal ya” HAHAHA oke. oke… I had been motivating myself since than and thankfully my best friends had also been helping me much. I summarized everything as the title, 4 things you need to remember when having a shitty time
Be the best version of yourself
Not much, but we always think that we should be at certain level of what people think its good. “I should be as good as Koharu!” or gausah jauh jauh deh, most of the time we feel envious with people that is good at something we wish we could be good at. Take a short example in a case of film making. I see most of my friend getting jealous of the other friends and act like the others are enemy or opponent. “Ah, dia mah jago karena gear nya aja pake 7D, audionya pake H1” or make other excuses. I did that too. We all did anyways! One thing i learned from past problem is that I can’t just beat myself up with how good i should be for society, although that’s the only thing that they care about; what we can give to it, but i should stop looking for something just to impressed other people. I should be the best version of myself not of anyone else. Mungkin gue nggak bisa ngedance sejago Koharu but i can be myself.
It’s the same idea kaya work hard till you’re standing next to your idol. You don’t need to be your idol, you need to be youself. Look at Park Chanyeol now, he used to idolized Dara and now EXO is bigger than ever. Come and see MAMA 2013 clip, Chanyeol nggak jadi Dara, he became the best version of Park Chanyeol.
Learn to love your scar(s)
We all have pressure point and some of us maybe had gone pass through it and we prone to dwell on how “bad” the mess we made. Dude cmon, it happened. Shit happens and you can’t change it. Yang lalu ya nggak bisa diubah mau sekuat apapun usaha lo juga nggak bakalan bisa. Lo juga nggak bisa terus nyalahin diri lo sendiri terhadap apa yang telah terjadi. Call it like when you were mad and accidentally called your girl a hoe, you can’t unsay that, or when you failed one most important interview for job, hit your significant others, broke someone’s arm, anything else. You can’t undo those things. You can eventually keep blaming on yourself or others on your wound, saying that “if only, if only i didn’t” but it won’t chance anything, it just making you sad and overthink every little bit that is irrelevant. The more you think about it the more irrelevant it becomes. You need to learn your scar, sama kaya kampanye love your body dari perusahaan beauty product or alike. Wounds heal but it left scars isn’t? That thing, when the pain is gone, when the wounds heal i know there will always be a scar. You need to love it. Analoginya kaya lo maku dinding buat naro foto, kalo paku itu dicabut ya pasti bekasnya bakalan ada kan ya? You can’t get rid of it unless nyemen lagi. It’s ugly yes it is, your aesthetic beautiful white instagram-able wall ada borok bekas paku. Be creative on how loving your scar. You can let it present and proudly say “hey, i got this from a hockey competition where i won 1st place, it means everything” although ketika dapet luka itu you were hospitalized because you passed out. Atau kamu bisa “tutupi” dengan tato or anything. When it comes to emotional scars kaya patah hati atau patah semangat, jadikan luka itu sebagai bahan evaluasi lo. Eventho lo mungkin orang yang gak terbiasa gagal, then congratulation on your study of failure! Ini bukan hal yang instan, bahkan tiga bulan aja belum menjadi waktu yang cukup buat gue untuk belajar mencintai luka gue akibat jatuh di kegagalan. Tapi setidaknya harus dicoba, because you will never know unless you try kan?
Loser focuses on winner, winner focuses on winning
Munkin sejalan dengan konsep “stop comparing yourself to other”. Kadang ngeliat kerjaan orang lain udah ya allah keren amat umur segini udah bisa kaya gitu. Seumur gue Minzy udah world tour bareng 2NE1, seumur gue ada yang udah mau selesai 7 summit dunia aja, and countless people that had achieved more than you do in your age. Just do your thing and let hard work do the the job. Bokap gue pernah bilang kerja keras nggak bakalan bikin rugi, yea dad how about broken expectation, time wasted, and regret? Well at least you learn something? Remember, love your scar also means making peace with your-(past)-self.
Follow opportunity not passion
Last but not least, to sum all of the so-called motivational thought catalogue chorom. This is my favorite, follow opportunity because passion is a bitch. Sure being goal oriented could really motivate and make yourself focus on things you really want, but as it applied to me ketika gue gagal gue akan sangat sedih because it the only thing that i see for the past 6 months. Ditambah dengan kenyataan tidak terbiasa gagal bikin gue tambah sedih dan kecewa sama diri gue sendiri. Ya mungkin bagi sebagian orang jatuh bangun itu dinamika kehidupan tapi untuk yang belum terbiasa untuk jatuh dan bangun untuk mencari yang baru, follow opportunity mungkin slogan yang tepat. Waktu itu gue sedikit ngelakuin kultwit dadakan di second account gue. True that ketika kamu fokus sama satu hal you would not even see the good opportunity in front of you because you’re waaaaaay to focus on THAT ONE THING. Now that i failed and devastated i seek for opportunity, tentunya yang sejalan dengan minat gue. Gue nggak bakalan seekstrim itu ngambil kesempatan buat jadi asisten pengukuran tambang di Kalimantan Timur, as if i was qualified to do so. Tapi nggak menutup kemungkinan juga that could be my path sih, but naaaaah.
Better yet, there should be plenty of this type of writing on the internet but i want to show what’s on my list that really worked for me. Nggak perlu terpaku sih sama hal ini because it may not universally applied to all of us but it is worth to try i swear! If you do have some similar problems tell me about your experience(s) and what do you think about this list i made, does it apply to you to? Well, akan ada jatuh bangun dalam idup, thats how life works and we need to adjust ourself to it. Remember, law of nature. Survival of the fittest.
featured image: colorivivacimagazine.com